When BFFs become Bosses! The Awkward Upgrade!
From peer to supervisor! Things will have to change!
They don’t like me anymore!
A few weeks ago, I was on a coaching call with a newly promoted regional manager for a major apparel retailer. She was buzzing with excitement but also riddled with anxiety.
"It's my dream job," she confessed, "but it's also a bit of a nightmare. I'm now leading the same people I used to grab happy hour with. It's... weird."
For the record, I’ve never been a fan of promoting someone in the same market. I much prefer to send talent to a new market. But in some cases, it’s unavoidable.
Her story isn't unique. Stepping up the ladder in the same environment you've always worked in is a balancing act. You want to maintain the camaraderie, but you're also responsible for setting a new tone, driving results, and, sometimes, making tough calls.
She needed guidance and a strategy to help her take on the new role and establish herself as their “new” leader.
Her major concern:
“I still want them to like me.”
After a bit of brainstorming, here's what we came up with:
It’s not about being liked - Anymore!
Let’s start with the one concern I see and hear the most from leaders.
Please hear this: “It's not about being liked.” Never has and never will be.
You must lead with vision, act with courage, grow, and serve your team while effectively driving the team forward.
During our conversation, we discussed the importance of establishing her authority while maintaining a collaborative and supportive environment.
Establish Clear Expectations and Boundaries
She needed to communicate her vision and goals transparently, outlining what she expected from the team and herself. Most leaders underestimate the need to create professional boundaries to balance personal relationships with professional responsibilities as quickly as possible.
Focus on Building Respect and Trust
Model the behavior and work ethic you expect from your team, being the first to adopt and adhere to new policies. Provide constructive feedback, offer support for growth, and foster an environment of open communication and collaboration.
By setting clear expectations and focusing on building respect and trust, you can transition smoothly into your new role and lead your team effectively.
Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room
She decided to kick off her first team meeting with a heartfelt, "Okay, team, this is going to be a little strange, but let's address the elephant in the room. I'm still me, but I'm also your boss now. It's a new chapter for all of us, and I'm open to hearing your thoughts, concerns, or even jokes about it. Let's figure this out together."
Do This:
Host a casual team lunch or outing soon after your promotion. This provides a relaxed setting for everyone to adjust to the new dynamic and reconnect on a personal level.
Then do this: I realize this one may be old school, but it still works.
Create a "suggestion box" or online forum where team members can share feedback or ideas anonymously. This can encourage open communication and address concerns without fear of repercussions.
Shift the Focus from Me to We:
She realized that her promotion wasn't a solo victory. It was about leveraging her experience to elevate the entire team. She asked each team member to share their individual goals and how they envisioned contributing to the region's success. This collaborative approach helped to create a shared vision and a renewed sense of purpose.
Do This:
Develop your team's mission, values, and goals. These may be different from the corporate mission and vision. Here’s why the goal matters most. This document can serve as a guiding light for everyone and reinforce working together towards a common purpose.
Then do this: I love this one.
Assign "stretch projects" to team members that allow them to showcase their skills and interests. But this means getting to know your team at a different level. Previously, you were their peer and only a portion of their capabilities. Now as their leader, you need to help them dig deeper and unlock their full potential. This will foster individual growth and demonstrate your confidence in their abilities.
Open Door, Open Ears:
She instituted "Coffee with the Boss" Fridays. Every Friday morning, her time was open for anyone to chat about work challenges, personal updates, or to catch up. This created a casual, open communication channel that fostered trust and collaboration.
One caveat: initially, your Fridays will be busy. Why? Everyone is vying for your attention and wants to make themselves known. However, over time, as you solve their challenges and help set direction, you will gain more time back on your Fridays.
Do This:
First, schedule regular one-on-one meetings with each team member. This will provide a dedicated open communication, feedback, and support space.
Then do this:
Encourage feedback by regularly asking for input from your team members. This shows that you value their opinions and are committed to continuous improvement.
Clarity Over Comfort:
She knew that being "the nice guy" all the time wouldn't cut it. She established clear expectations and performance metrics for everyone on her team, including herself. She also made it a point to address performance issues promptly and directly, ensuring fairness and consistency across the board.
Do This:
Develop a clear and comprehensive performance management system. We ensured her system outlined expectations, provided regular feedback, and addressed performance issues promptly and professionally.
Then do this:
Second, she implemented regular performance reviews that focused on achievements and improvement areas. This helped her to keep herself and everyone on track and ensure that performance issues were addressed before they escalated.
Small Wins, Big Celebrations:
She implemented a monthly "Win Your Week Call" where everyone could share their big and small achievements. She also organized team outings to celebrate milestones, creating a sense of shared accomplishment and camaraderie.
Do This:
Establish a rewards and recognition process that acknowledges both individual and team achievements. We created very simple actions such as verbal praise, handwritten notes, or small gifts. (Handwritten notes received the highest praise from her.)
Be Curious, Not Judgmental:
You may have walked alongside them as their peers, but you have never truly walked in their shoes! She made a point to spend time in each store, working alongside her team members. She asked more questions and provided fewer answers. She made it a point to solve as many problems as possible during each visit.
We established a rule—don’t leave any problem unaddressed for more than 24 hours. This helped her understand their day-to-day challenges and showed them that she was still willing to get her hands dirty.
Do This:
Shadow your team for a day or two to gain firsthand experience of their roles and responsibilities. Yes, it will be uncomfortable, but we had previously established her level of approachability. This made the time together more comfortable for her and the team. As a result, she gained a higher level of understanding of their challenges and identified areas for improvement.
You Are Not Alone:
When tensions arose, she wasn't afraid to call a "time-out." She would schedule a reset session with me (her coach) to address issues in a non-judgmental space, allowing for open and honest conversations.
Do This:
She found a coach!
Here’s what coaching provides:
No BS Attached: With an external coach, she received candid, unbiased feedback without corporate politics or hidden agendas. This clarity helped her make more informed decisions.
Fresh Eyes on Stale Problems: As her coach, I brought a fresh perspective, helping her see opportunities and solutions that may have been right in front of her.
Depth of Diverse Experience: As a coach, I’ve worked with various companies and industries, giving her diverse experiences to draw from and apply to her situation.
It's been a few months since that initial coaching call, and she has successfully navigated the transition. She's found a way to balance her personal connections with her leadership responsibilities, creating a high-performing team that respects her authority and appreciates her genuine care for their well-being.
It hasn’t been all roses; she did lose two Store Managers and a few leaders who couldn’t handle the change in the relationship dynamics. Listen, that happens, and it’s part of the process.
Remember, leading friends and former colleagues is a journey. It requires open communication, empathy, and an unwavering commitment to your role as a leader.
She has embraced these challenges. As a result, she’s creating a stronger, more effective team and will ultimately achieve greater success in her career.
As you navigate these waters, keep these tips close. They are strategies and guiding principles that will help you foster a positive and productive work environment.
Please hear this! Trust in your abilities, stay consistent, and prioritize your mission. You're not just leading a team – you're leading with heart and integrity.
You've got this. Go Crush It!
Are you facing challenges leading friends and former colleagues? Share your experiences in the comments below!
Most retail leaders are tired of being unseen, passed over, or just plain neglected. A high percentage of leaders want to grow and desire to be developed at a higher level.
However, their company only provides them with the resources and content relevant to their company.
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Custom, relevant coaching and training that considers you and your schedule.
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